Dalston Celebrates Affordable Housing for Ordinary Hardworking Millionaires

Dalston Mayor Miles Toob raised a glass on Tuesday evening to celebrate reaching a major milestone in the borough’s housing plans.

This year 103% of all new housing in the borough will be affordable, according to council sources.

Mayor Toob, speaking at the topping-out ceremony for Camila Batmanghelidjh Mansions, the latest in a series of luxury proletarian housing projects said: “This wonderful building demonstrates our commitment to providing decent affordable homes for the most deserving members of society.”

pic.Dalston's Affordable Camila Batmanghelidjh Mansions
Dalston’s affordable Camila Batmangehelidjh Mansions yesterday

But some Dalston residents were unimpressed. Among a small party of protesters at the event were three hedge fund managers, a former Russian finance minister, the Indian steel billionaire Lakshmi Mittal, and Myron J. Rockafellella, Head of Global Equities at Morgan Stanley, who is currently living in Belgravia but would like to move to Dalston to be closer to work.

“Mayor Toob is living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks these homes are affordable,” bleated Mr Rockafellella, 45. “I bring home a good wage and my wife runs three international fashion brands, but we applied for shared ownership on a two bedroom apartment and no way do we earn enough to qualify. My dad is considering selling the Chrysler corporation to help us get the deposit together, but even then I doubt it will be enough.”

When challenged on his housing policy by protesters Mayor Toob ran away and hid until it was safe to return to the four-bedroomed Dalston home he bought twenty years ago for six conkers and half a Yorkie.


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