Dalston Families ‘£10,000 per Minute Worse Off Out of Europe’
Economists at prestigious Dalston University’s Department of Hard Sums and Shifty Bankers have revealed figures that will shock local people in the run-up to the EU Referendum.
Department Head, Professor Dyslexia Numerale said: “We were as surprised as anyone when George Osborne announced that British families would be £4,300 per year worse off out of Europe. So we borrowed George’s own official Treasury Department pocket calculator to verify the figures and, horrifyingly, we found that the Chancellor had got it wrong. Actually, hard working Dalston families will be £10,000 per minute out of pocket if we vote to leave the nurturing bosom of the European Union.”
Asked whether there might, perhaps, be something wrong with George Osborne’s calculator, Professor Numeral sort of snorted and said: “No, obviously not. It’s got a little H.M Treasury sticker on it and everything.”
Further research using the Treasury calculator also revealed that an Arsenal season ticket is a snip at £2,013 and that the £9,000 annual tuition fee at the prestigious Dalston Univerity is an unmissable once-in-a-lifetime bargain.