Mayoral Elections: Dalston Decides!

Zac to give Dalston an Airmiles Boost

pic.Zac Goldsmith
Zac Goldsmith yesterday

Conservative Mayoral hopeful Zac Goldsmith has revealed his preferred alternative to the expansion of Heathrow Airport, according to some bloke who claims to know him.

“Zac feels the new runway needs to be positioned close to existing major transport hubs, for ecological reasons,” said the source who asked not to be named or photographed. “Obviously Liverpool Street Station is a first-rate transport facility and Dalston Kingsland is pretty good too, what with the 38 bus and everything,” he said.

“So Zac thinks it makes perfect sense to locate the new runway between those two transport super-eco-hubs, as he likes to call them.”

Goldsmith’s plans would involve planes landing along the already heavily tarmacked Kingsland Road. The necessary remodelling of the area would provide jobs for local people and will benefit both the British dynamite and bulldozer industries.

According to our source, the new terminal building would be situated “on the largely unused brownfield site known locally as London Fields,” or, failing that, “anywhere, really, that does not inconvenience the millionaire voters of Richmond-Upon-Thames, whose lives are already blighted by an idyllic riverside setting and uncounted acres of pristine parkland.”

When asked why expansion should not take place at Heathrow on the grounds that there is a bloody big airport there already, Goldsmith’s alleged spokesman went quiet, mumbling something about “the environment” and Feltham town centre being a World Heritage Site before putting the phone down.

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