With most of the local election results now in, Dalston’s Labour Party HQ has been defending Jeremy Corbyn’s performance in the light of criticism from some of his own MPs.
“It is absolutely ridiculous to call Jeremy incompetent,” said Ms Pollyanna Molotov, deputy chair of Dalston Labour. “I mean, it totally depends on your definition of the word ‘incompetent’, doesn’t it?”
Asked what the hell she was on about, Ms Molotov continued: “Well, he’s very good at some things. For example – and not a lot of people know this – he is excellent at line-dancing. And other stuff. Probably.”
Pressed further, Ms Molotov conceded that “okay, he may not be competent at winning elections per se, but elections aren’t the only things that matter. Criticising Jeremy for not being good at elections is like criticising Tiger Woods for being rubbish at rugby. Winning elections just isn’t Jeremy’s ‘thing’, obviously.” Then she sort of sighed and put the phone down.
Then she phoned back and said “Scrabble. He’s very good at Scrabble.”