Acclaimed Dalston Theatre now “Nearly 80% Cholera-Free”

The internationally acclaimed Dalston People’s Theatre is celebrating the “almost total” eradication of a cholera epidemic which has claimed the lives of “up to 12” actors and “I dunno exactly, but quite a few” members of the public.

“It was a price we were willing to pay for setting up a theatre in a disused septic tank,” says the theatre’s artistic director Mr Viktor von Doom, 32, “the risk to public health was always going to be considerable, but the artistic benefits fully justified that risk. I mean, the atmosphere in this place is just amazing.”

Samuel Beckett2
Samuel Beckett yesterday

Having passed the milestone of going a whole week without a single hospitalisation, Mr von Doom is preparing to launch an exciting new season of work.

“This reduction in the number of corpses around the place means we can at last embark upon our Ring Cycle in Urdhu. We may revisit last year’s naked Cherry Orchard too, because the reviews were excellent even though the cholera thing did rather cut a swathe through the cast. And our Samuel Beckett festival suffered a bit too, so we might do our Waiting for Godot again, only with two actors this time.”

(Estragon’s memorial service is to be held next Wednesday at St Paul’s Church, Covent Garden. Family flowers only please.)

The Dalston People’s Theatre is located beneath the derelict Dalston Tannery building, down that weird little street full of skips just opposite Argos. Children and pensioners go free on Tuesdays. Cafe open 10am – 11pm Tuesday – Sunday, death permitting.

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