EU Vote Alters Everything, Irrevocably, Forever

A Dalston man was seriously injured today when he fell into an uncovered manhole while updating his Facebook profile on a mobile phone.

19 passers-by who witnessed the incident have been hospitalised with laughter-related injuries, some of them described as ‘serious, bordering on critical, but totally worth it’.

In other news: the UK voted to leave the European Union last night, yet the sun still came up this morning. The birds sang, the trains were on time and Nigel Farage made a graceless and divisive speech while looking a bit pissed and sweaty. Chuka Umunna took the opportunity to wave his hands around and say nothing of substance while wearing a nice suit.

So, as you were, then.

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