‘Shoes Not the Same as Children’ – Mayoral Candidate

A Dalston mayoral hopeful has been forced to apologise to her fellow candidate over wording she used in an interview with this newspaper over the weekend.

Councillor Angela Leadzeppelin said that her comments on motherhood had been taken out of context and that she had meant no offence to her mayoral rival Selina Marr.

She told the Mercury: ‘I’ve already said to Selina how very sorry I am for any hurt caused.’

‘I was most specific that when I called her a ‘dried-up old witch with barbed wire where her fallopian tubes should be,’ I was merely attempting to say how my own 12 gorgeous, healthy children have informed my view of the world.’

Angela Leadzeppelin and children
The abundent Angela Leadzeppelin with a handful of her children yesterday

‘Similarly, any reference I may have made to the Mojave Desert, the Oklahoma dust bowl or the biblical barren plain that will bear no fruit nor give succour or sustenance to any living thing, I was speaking entirely out of friendship and wasn’t even thinking about Selina’s extraordinarily unproductive womb. I hope this puts the matter to rest.’

We tried to ask Selina Marr where she stood on the matter, but were told she was out shopping for more shoes which are not, in any way, some form of compensation for the aching void in her life, apparently.

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