RMT Union Achieves Oneness with the Universe. Delays and Cancellations Expected

In sympathy with their colleagues on Eurostar, employees of Dalston Trains are to take seven days of strike action this month in a dispute over their work-life balance, the RMT union says.

‘Yeah, work-life balance is what it’s all about,’ said Dalston RMT chief Reg McScabb, ‘but we’re also fighting for our members’ rights to bring their celestial Tao into harmony with the universe, which is proving impossible under the Tories.’

Mr McScabb has assured passengers that the dispute is not about money or jobs or longer tea breaks or any of that old-fashioned 1970s nonsense. ‘No,’ he said, ‘this is definitely about our workers achieving equilibrium between the competing energies of their yins and their yangs. Definitely. Not about giving this evil Tory government and their management running dogs a right kicking or nothing, no.’

RMT members
RMT members unify mind, body and spirit yesterday

According to Mr McScabb passenger safety is at risk unless RMT members are able to locate their personal Shanti and get their Chakras sorted out pronto. ‘Oh yeah, lives will definitely be lost,’ he told the Mercury, ‘unless ticket office personnel are given more time off to sit on the floor and go ‘Om’ and stuff. It’ll be carnage, I’m telling you. Bloody Tories.’

We asked Mr McScabb how passengers were supposed to maintain a life-work balance while spending six hours a day standing on station platforms and having to hitch hike home from work, but he said passengers were just an invention of the mainstream media designed to drag the working man into idleness and penury.

 

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