Labour Leader Risks Immolation and Radiation Sickness on Public Transport

The leader of Dalston’s Labour party, Cllr Aneurin Hobsbawm has supplied his many, many opponents with further ammunition to use against him by making wildly exaggerated claims about his experiences on public transport.

A video produced by Mr Hobsbawm’s leadership campaign team was released via YouTube last week.

It purported to show Mr Hobsbawm forced to travel to Newcastle in the baggage hold of a pre-war Algerian airliner that was on fire throughout.

Speaking to the camera while wedged between two crates of chickens and some Syrian refugees with rabies, the Labour leader said: ‘This is a problem that many passengers face every day, commuters and long-distance travellers. Today this aircraft is completely ram-packed. The staff are absolutely brilliant, working really hard to help everybody put the fire out. Which was started, on purpose, by some Tories. Or Richard Branson, probably.’

Mr Hobsbawm was later filmed on his return journey being forced at gunpoint to act as ballast in the hold of a leaking refuse barge full of nuclear waste, which is a common experience for frequent travellers, apparently.

The 16:24 from Newcastle to London King’s Cross yesterday

‘The leader was simply making a point about overcrowding on public transport and emphasising the case for the nationalisation of absolutely everything,’ said a member of Mr Hobsbawm’s team.

‘Obviously we could have travelled in comfortable, sanitary conditions like everyone else, but that wouldn’t have looked very proletarian would it?’

‘So we decided to selflessly make complete tits of ourselves in order to demonstrate the leader’s unquestioned integrity and his outright refusal to play fast-and-loose with the truth in order to score cheap political points.’

According to his team, next week Mr Hobsbawm is planning to be fraternally dragged behind a tube train for three entire circuits of the Circle Line and then get run over by a bus. To demonstrate solidarity with the RMT. Or junior doctors. Or to show why Trident is bad. Or something like that.

Ordinary Labour councillors are said to be ‘beyond despair’ at Mr Hobsbawm‘s latest PR innovations.


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