FA Backtracks On Absolute Guarantee That England Will Win Next World Cup

England’s target of winning the 2022 World Cup in Qatar has been scrapped by new Football Association chairman Greg Clarke.

The goal was announced by his predecessor Greg Dyke in 2013 from the stage of the Royal Opera House where he was being presented with the award for Britain’s Most Deluded but Optimistic Whack Job for a record eighth time.

Greg Dyke – away with the fairies as usual

The news that the target has been scrapped has been greeted with shock and dismay by England fans who, like Mr Dyke, had fully expected the team to win the tournament at an absolute canter.

The news in brief:

England ‘may not win’ 2022 World Cup.

Donald Trump has ‘given up hope’ of being named Mexico’s Man of the Year for 2016.

Julian Assange is ‘beginning to worry’ that he may never achieve his aim of chairing the Ecuadorean / Swedish Friendship and Justice Group.

Keith Vaz MP ‘has suspicions that’ all those people who wanted to impose a murderous fatwa on Salman Rushdie may not be quite so enthusiastic about sharing a platform with him in the future. His wife might not be keen either.

The diplomacy-free, international relations car crash that is Boris Johnson – a man who described in print the Turkish President as a ‘wankerer’ from ‘Ankara’ and crushed several Japanese schoolchildren to death on purpose – is ‘finally resigned to the absolute certainty’ that he will never be named Foreign Secretary.

Oh, hang on though…

In the next issue: England’s victory parade in pictures.



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