Citizens of Venezuela, Cuba and the former Soviet satellite states of Eastern Europe spilled onto the streets of Dalston last night to celebrate the Shadow Chancellor’s thrilling promise to bring proper socialism back to Britain.
‘Thank God!’ said Mariana Jimenez, a recent arrival to Dalston from Caracas, ‘I can do without the sunshine, the support of my family and vibrant street life of my native Venezuela.’
‘But what I really miss is the grinding poverty, the endless queues for basic comestibles and the regular food riots. I like Britain, but it could really do with more malnutrition and street violence, so I can’t wait for Labour to reintroduce socialism. It’ll be like a fiesta in my wallet!’
Poles, Bulgarians and Czechs were also celebrating John McDonnell’s forward-looking and not at all mental speech. They told the Mercury that they couldn’t wait to return to a diet comprised entirely of cabbage and having to wait eight years to get your washing machine fixed.
Romanians in the borough were especially nostalgic about firing squads but were hopeful, given how the Labour party is going these days, that regular summary executions would soon make a return to British public life.