Trump Campaign – ‘Every Woman On Earth Is A Fat Syphilitic Whore’

The Dalston representative of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump went on a Twitter rampage early this morning, repeating Mr Trump’s accusations that ex-Miss Universe Alicia Machado had made a sex tape and that Hilary Clinton helped her become a US citizen.

Earlier in the week the famously svelte Mr Trump was pilloried when it was revealed he had labeled Ms Machado ‘Miss Piggy’ and publicly shamed her for putting on weight when he owned the beauty contest.

Mr Eugene Oregon, Dalston’s most vocal Trump supporter, took to the Twittersphere this morning and, in an apparent bid to out-Trump Trump, took on the entire female sex in an impressive display of solidarity with his leader, guru and alleged one-time lover.

Among his Twitter targets were not just Hilary Clinton but national treasures Helen Mirren (‘huge’), Mary Berry (‘a corpulent obscenity’), Darcey Bussell (‘a blubber mountain on legs’) and Her Majesty the Queen (‘a lard-ass of such grotesque proportions as to be an offence to the eye and the nose’).

audrey-hepburn
Audrey Hepburn – officially less attractive than Donald Trump. And a bit of a slag, probably

He also accused Dame Maggie Smith of featuring in a series of rectally challenging pornographic activities with both Bill Clinton and Jimmy Savile, and that videos of these encounters are being openly advertised for sale on the White House website. Katy Perry was holding the camera and shouting encouragement, apparently. So was Elvis.

We asked Mr Oregon to justify his bizarre claims, but after he had finished firing his six-shooters into the air and shouting ‘Yee-Haw!’, the best we could get out of him was: ‘Wibble. Hatstand,’ and something that might have been ‘Biscuit barrel, lizard-people’, or similar.

Breaking News: In the light of his recent Twitter activities, Mr Oregon is being widely tipped to take over as Mr Trump’s director of communications, being an obvious upgrade on the last guy.

 

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