EU Repeal Bill To Reintroduce Traditional British Laws And ‘Reclaim Calais From The French, With Any Luck’

Dalston mayor Selina Marr is to introduce a ‘Great Repeal Bill’ in the next council session that will overturn the act that took Dalston into the EU.

It will remove the European Communities Act 1972 from the statute book and end the supremacy of EU law in Dalston.

Representatives of local parties that campaigned for Brexit have given a cautious welcome to the news but urge Mrs Marr to ‘at the earliest opportunity replace all those evil kraut, frog, wop and dago laws with some proper British ones like you said you would, you slag.’

The Independence For the UK (IFUK) party are determined, in particular, to see the repeal of laws relating to ‘the angle of curvature in bananas, cucumbers and any other bendy fruit and / or vegetables’ to be replaced by ‘laws reintroducing mandatory archery practice on Sundays’.

They also want to see witch trials ‘with ducking stools and everything’ replacing any judgement of the European Court of Justice, and new laws enabling the construction of a chain of castles ‘for the purposes of subjugating the Welsh and repressing their language and culture in the traditional pre-EU English manner.’

Post-Brexit Britain (from an original crayon drawing by Jean-Claude Juncker)

IFUK spokesperson Mrs Queenie Calhoun told the Mercury: ‘We have been given a great opportunity to once again become a sovereign and independent country, like we was under the reign of Edward I, and we must seize this moment to become the modern, dynamic, forward-looking feudal kingdom the British serfs demand.’

We asked Mrs Calhoun whether she favoured reintroducing suzerainty over the Scots and banishing the Jews from the kingdom in a new Edict of Expulsion, but she said: ‘We will say what we’ve achieved and how we’ve achieved it, but to give a running commentary on every last sentence and paragraph would be ridiculous.’

Then she rode off on her horse shouting something about reclaiming the Holy Land for Christendom.



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