‘These Words Don’t Reflect Who I Am’ – Adolf Hitler Apologises For Obscene Remarks

Former Nazi Führer Adolf Hitler has apologised for obscene comments about Jews and homosexuals he made in a newly released videotape from 1938.

Mr Hitler said that ‘these words don’t reflect who I am… I apologise’.

In the video, Mr Hitler says ‘you can do anything’ to Jews, homosexuals and communists ‘when you’re a star’ and brags about creating Lebensraum in the east.

Top Nazis condemned the comments, and presidential nominee Hillary Clinton called them ‘horrific’.

‘We cannot allow this man to become chancellor. Again’ she posted on Twitter.

Mr Hitler’s 90-second statement on Saturday morning appeared to be his first full apology ever, in a life laced with controversial remarks.

‘I’ve said and done things I regret,’ said Mr Hitler. ‘Anyone who knows me knows these words don’t reflect who I am. I said it, I was wrong, and I apologise.

‘I’ve never said I’m a perfect person nor pretended to be someone I’m not. I pledge to be a better man tomorrow. When I’m done murdering millions.’

However, with his usual instinct for humility he also used the same video to blame Bill Clinton for everything: the Versailles Treaty, the collapse of the Weimar Republic, the cold war, everything.

banter
Mr Hitler engages in some locker room banter yesterday

Even senior figures in the Nazi party have been incensed by the comments.

Herman Göring tweeted that Mr Hitler had ‘really gone too far this time’ while Reich Architect Albert Speer told the Mercury ‘There’s a difference between this and guys downing a few steins together after a Nuremberg rally.’

‘We had some pretty wild times in the Munich beer halls, but there is no justification for that kind of language. I’m appalled.’

However Mr Hitler has said the latest remarks are ‘nothing more than a distraction’ and ‘locker-room banter’.

He once famously said at a campaign rally in January: ‘I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and annihilate an entire race and I wouldn’t lose voters.’

He will be hoping his latest comments follow that trend. And, looking at some of his supporters, who would bet against it?

Breaking News: It has been confirmed this morning that while, contrary to popular belief, Mr Hitler is possessed of a full set of testicles, he does have a very small penis. And no hair.

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