Belgians In Lethal Bid To Become Interesting

After single-handedly scuppering a huge trade deal between Canada and the EU, the Belgian region of Wallonia – newly mad with power – has set its sights on expanding its global profile by buggering other things up.

‘Mais, oui,’ said Wallonia’s Dalston ambassador, His Excellency M. Tin Tin Poirot, ‘it’s about time Belgium threw off its hard-won reputation for being the most boring nation on earth and got on with the important business of shafting absolutely everyone for no good reason at all.’

Belgium – now interesting

Wallonia – a totally fictional place which previously existed only fleetingly in a scene from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – has lined up several international initiatives aimed at infuriating other countries and, possibly, provoking global war.

These initiatives include blocking-up the Suez Canal with cheese, painting giant Belgian cows on the Taj Mahal and invading Russia.

Asked why a tiny, insignificant region of a risibly pointless country should wish to cause havoc on the international stage, M. Poirot shrugged and told the Mercury ‘Because we can. And because the EU lets us. C’est la démocratie, n’est-ce pas?’

Then he went off to tell Hezbollah that Israel said they were all gay.



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