New Heathrow Runway ‘Open Next Tuesday. Thursday At The Absolute Latest’

Former mayoral candidate Zac Goldsmith’s dream of a Dalston international airport has been dashed this morning as the government looks set to give the green light to a third runway at Heathrow after years of debate and over 3000 public consultations.

Reports are coming in of huge traffic tailbacks throughout west London as fleets of bulldozers race to the Heathrow area to begin the construction of the long-delayed scheme without letting a further moment go to waste.

The hard shoulder of the M25 and all motorways heading into London are packed with revving construction vehicles and men in hi-viz jackets warming-up their pneumatic drills.

SONY DSC
Heathrow, right now. Right this second. We promise

Local residents are bracing themselves for an immediate influx of engineers, architects and tarmac lorries which are expected to arrive in their thousands by about tea time today along with demolition experts and the half a million general labourers required to have the new runway completed in double-quick time, such is the determination of the government to stop courageously fannying about, decisively kicking stuff into the long grass and generally hoping this whole dreadful runway business becomes someone else’s problem if only they can hold out long enough.

We hear that planes from Sydney and Los Angeles have actually already taken off in the expectation of landing on the new runway at about nine o’clock this evening. That’s how confident everybody is that, this time, the government will stop arsing about and actually build something.

 

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