The world breathed an enormous sigh of relief today when the US presidential election was revealed as nothing more than a grotesque Halloween prank perpetrated on the entire human race by Fox News.
‘We gotcha!’, said ‘Donald Trump’, in reality a gay Mexican bit-part actor and three-time winner of the Tijuana Drag Queen of the Year award, ‘we really had you guys scared!’
‘You should’ve seen the look on your faces!’ said the tireless campaigner for women’s rights, ‘Ooooh, look at me, I’m gonna build a giant wall! Look at my scary tiny hands! Look out, baby, I’m gonna grab your genitals inappropriately! Boo!’
‘Hilary Clinton’ is, in actuality, Danny DeVito in a CGI pant suit designed by Pixar. He told the press ‘I don’t even have an email account, you suckers! I can’t believe you all fell for it for so long! That a nation of 320 million people couldn’t do better than us! Unbelievable! Still, no harm done.’
The next president of the USA will be selected by random ballot next week. Any American over the age of 40 will be eligible to enter the competition except for the real Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton, just in case.