Prince Harry’s rumoured romance with the mixed race actress and campaigner Meghan Markle has sparked outrage among some press commentators who believe that marriage between the two would leave the family bloodline tainted.
‘It’s totally scandalous,’ said the editorial leader of the Los Angeles Weekly Advertiser & Argus, ‘that the unblemished African-American / Caucasian genes of this perfectly ordinary girl should be contaminated by the Germano / Greek, Illuminati-leading alien Lizard-race blood of the British royal family.’
‘Princess Anne alone is fifty percent horse for crying out loud. Prince Charles can communicate with vegetables!’
‘No! In the name of David Icke, we must not allow this poisonous bloodline to enter the United States.’
A spokesman for Buckingham Palace insisted that Mr Icke’s claims that the Queen heads an intergalactic lizard-person conspiracy aimed at taking over the world have never been fully substantiated. He did concede that they had a point about Prince Charles and the plants, though.