Both the English and Scottish Football Associations are to defy FIFA’s ban on wearing Remembrance Day poppies when the two sides meet on November 11.
‘I can’t tell you what a proud day this is for British football,’ said Dalston’s FA representative this morning, ‘in fact we’re so proud of defying FIFA on this important point of principle that we intend to defy them every single match from now on.’
The Scottish FA are in complete agreement with their English counterparts and, from now on, both teams will play in shirts emblazoned with multiple poppies and players will wear large, wide-brimmed poppy-shaped hats, poppy underwear and giant poppies on their boots.
Also, in direct contravention of FIFA’s ban on religious and political symbols, each player’s shorts will now feature the Stations of the Cross, several Koranic verses, the Eye of Horus and a picture of Lenin waving a sickle at Margaret Thatcher; anything, in fact, to ensure FIFA is compelled to ban both nations from all future international competition thus avoiding further national humiliation at major tournaments.
Fans of both teams have taken to the streets in celebration and relief.
FIFA have asked for a bung.