Capitalism Manages To Hold On Against Anarchist Onslaught. Anarchists Go Home To Parents In Surrey

A Dalston man among the 53 arrested at last night’s Million Mask March in central London has told the Mercury that he intends to continue demonstrating against the evils of global capitalism ‘until the system has been brought to its knees’.

Miles Tonybee, who does not wish to be named, told the Mercury ‘They can arrest us, they can beat us, they can make us spill our Starbucks Toffee Nut Frappuccinos®, they can even mess up our brand new Nike Flyknit Air Maxes but they will never crush our iron will to foment the cleansing fire of revolution, break the yoke of international capitalism and bring anarchy to the streets of Britain.’

Mr Tonybee, a junior accountant at Deutsche Bank and heir to the Duchy of Suffolk, marched on parliament last night among a crowd of terrifying anarchist protesters who only do this sort of thing on bank holidays and weekends, for some reason.

Mr Rupert de Mandeville of Tunbridge Wells models his limited edition flare-resistant Gieves & Hawkes mask and raincoat ensemble yesterday 

Police described the protesters as ‘a bunch of tossers wearing plastic masks imported from China’ and said that next year ‘we’re going to go totally Orgreave on their asses. See how they like that.’

Former miners from the Orgreave colliery have asked if they can have a go at the anarchists too.



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