Swaggering brute Tim Farron, testosterone-fuelled leader of the Liberal Democrats, has pledged to destroy Brexit by sheer force of will.
By throwing the full weight of his party’s resources against the government, Mr Farron is set to derail plans to leave the EU unless a second referendum is called.
In a typically bellicose performance on the BBC’s Today programme yesterday he threatened to unleash all eight of his MPs in a blitzkrieg vote against the Tories that would scupper the Prime Minister’s plans to leave Europe and, quite possibly, drag the world into war.
One Conservative MP, who was too afraid to be named, told the Mercury: ‘No-one can hope to resist the pulverising political juggernaut that is seven Liberal Democrat MPs with Tim Farron at their head. No-one! No-one I tell you! No-one! Aaaaaargh!’
Prime Minister Theresa May is expected to announce the cancellation of Brexit this morning and, bowing to the inevitable, will hand over to Mr Farron the keys to Downing Street, the nuclear codes and stewardship over the country for ever and ever; such is the irresistable power of the mighty Lib Dem Übermensch!
We at the Mercury feel confident that we speak for the whole country when we say: Please don’t hurt us Tim! We are your cringing vassals! We will do your bidding!