Facebook ‘Willing To Drop Trousers And Sing Show Tunes’ If It Keeps Chinese Happy

Facebook has strongly denied trading moral principles for access to the Chinese market after the New York Times caught it doing exactly that.

A spokesman at the Dalston Facebook headquarters told the Mercury: ‘Look, the thing is, we might have spent thousands of man-hours developing sophisticated software that would allow the Chinese government to stamp its steel-capped jackboot of oppression on the throat of its helpless citizenry and keep it there for all time.’

A Facebook executive demonstrates the correct negotiating position when dealing with China

‘But on the other hand, we do provide the world’s greatest platform for the distribution of kitten pictures. So, y’know… that sort of evens things up. Yeah?’

The spokesman also denied that Mark Zuckerberg had personally offered to hold President Xi Jinping’s coat while he beat up democracy campaigners.

‘They weren’t democracy campaigners,’ said the spokesman, ‘they were counter-revolutionary traitors and bandits. Mr Xi promised, and that’s good enough for us.

‘I don’t even know where Tiananmen Square is. Shut up!’

Don’t Miss Next Week’s Special Report: Mark Zuckerberg – very greedy or just as thick as s**t?


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