‘Millions Voted Illegally’ – Poll Shock Threatens Democracy And Sequin Sales

US President-elect Donald Trump has claimed that the result of this year’s poll would have been different ‘if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally‘.

In a series of incendiary Tweets, Mr Trump claimed that the polls in Virginia, New Hampshire and California had been skewed by millions of illegal votes cast in favour of Ed Balls.

Mr Balls had managed to survive the Strictly Come Dancing public vote for three months despite being universally reviled and carrying the handicap of being a rhythmically challenged tub of lard.

Corpulent poll cheat Ed Balls and his glamorous partner attempt an ill-advised al fresco Paso Doble yesterday. ‘Significant’ structural damage to neighbouring buildings reported

Mr Trump’s claims have no basis in fact, obviously; Mr Trump’s claims never do. But still, it makes you think, doesn’t it?

And while we’re at it: how come Ed Balls spent three months cha-cha-bloody-cha-ing while sweating like a hormonal sow in a jacuzzi and yet actually managed to put on weight?

It’s got to be the Russians.

Possibly Corbyn…


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