Donald Trump’s advisers are hard at work this morning devising ever-more original ways of destroying US diplomatic relations with major international powers.
‘Yeah,’ said a Trump spokesman, ‘obviously that whole ‘wall’ thing worked brilliantly with the Mexicans; they’ll never speak to us again.
‘And that cosy chat with the president of Taiwan is bound to have the Chinese warming up their nuclear weapons and planning all sorts of savage trade embargoes. So, job done there too.’
Mr Trump’s team is now working on ways to annoy the French (‘All cheese imported into the US to be sold in individually wrapped slices suitable for putting on burgers’), the Germans (‘Making VE day a public holiday celebrated nationwide by ironic goose-stepping competitions’), the Japanese (‘Banning karaoke and Elvis impersonators’) and the British (‘Bulldozing thousands of acres of pristine Scottish coastline to make crap golf courses. Box ticked on that one’).
We telephoned several US embassies around the world for comment on Mr Trump’s novel approach to international relations but couldn’t hear anything above the sound of sobbing and the rending of garments.