The team charged with organising the inauguration of US president-elect Donald Trump is reportedly struggling to find A-list music stars willing to perform at the ceremony.
After Elton John angrily denied he would be singing at the event the Trump team has been forced to cast its net wider in the search for celebrity talent.
‘Yeah,’ said one member of the Presidential Inauguration Glee Club today, ‘it’s been much tougher than we anticipated. Who would have thought being universally loathed would’ve been such a big deal?
‘I mean, we all know the stories about how Donald’s parents used to have to pay kids to come to his birthday parties. And how the kids used to hand back the money and beg to be let out ten minutes later, but guys, c’mon! He’s gonna be the frickin’ president for crying out loud!’
Former country star Billy Ray Cyrus was billed as the star act until someone took a look at his haircut. Mr Ray Cyrus’s mullet was subsequently denounced as un-American by the CIA and is currently undergoing a savage program of waterboarding in Guantanamo Bay, which is the least it deserves.
Inauguration organisers, meanwhile, are considering handing out kazoos to attending heads-of-state and other dignitaries in the hope they might entertain themselves. The British ambassador has offered to play the spoons.
Late Breaking News: The talent crisis threatening Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration was averted just moments ago when the Chuckle Brothers agreed to perform their critically acclaimed ‘To You – To Me’ routine in front of the Capitol Building, provided Mr Trump promises to supply the giant ladder.