As RMT union members begin another series of strikes over the role of conductors on Southern rail services, other workers desperately concerned for the safety of the public are also planning industrial action.
‘Yeah,’ said Mike Stalin of the Amalgamated Union of Fletchers, Coopers, Mule Drivers and Associated Redundant Occupations, ‘the role of the train conductor is completely essential to the safety of the public.
‘Without a man to wave a flag on the platform millions – literally millions – of passengers would be crushed to death by train doors every week. This is an indisputable fact, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Of which there is plenty.’
Mr Stalin’s members who, like train conductors, all work in professions rendered completely obsolete decades ago, will begin a series of stoppages this week aimed at highlighting grave risks to public safety and bringing down the Tories.
‘Oh yeah,’ said Mr Stalin speaking from a smoke-filled room in 1973 where he was enjoying beer and sandwiches with Tony Benn, ‘we’re totally concerned for the welfare of the public. Totally.
‘So much so, in fact, that we’re willing to massively inconvenience the public for months on end and bugger up their Christmases, just to show how concerned we are about their welfare.
‘Don’t mention it,’ he said, putting on the latest Marc Bolan LP, ‘you’re welcome.’