PART ONE: TURKEY
We don’t eat turkey at any other time of year because:
a) It’s not as good as chicken.
b) It’s too bloody big and not as good as chicken.
c) All of the above, plus it’s not as good as chicken.
PART TWO: RELATIVES
We don’t invite our relatives over for lunch and drinks at any other time of year because:
a) Have you met them, for crying out loud?
b) Refer to a).
c) Refer to a) plus whose been at my good Scotch? Might’ve known. She mixed it with what?! That’s a 30-year-old single malt for God’s sake! Why didn’t you stop her? I don’t care how bloody old or incontinent she is – that’s my bloody Scotch she’s pissing up the stair carpet, etc etc…
PART THREE: SPROUTS
Nobody has the slightest idea why we eat sprouts at Christmas. No other country on Earth puts themselves through the ghastly ordeal, so how many other nations will spend the second half of December 25 farting like wizards?
a) None of them.
b) None of them.
c) Bloody well none of them; in the name of God, why do we never learn?
Continued tomorrow, probably, when topics will include Children, Presents and Crushing Ennui Allied to Searing Hangover.