Donald Trump Does Something Mean To Jamie Oliver’s Underpants In Starbucks. Or Something – The News In Brief

Las Vegas, The Desert, Somewhere With Spacious Skies:  PC maker Razer has unveiled a concept laptop with no fewer than three 4K screens at the CES tech show in Las Vegas.

The machine’s two additional screens slide out from its central display via an automatic mechanism to produce a panoramic vista over three feet wide.

The new device is intended primarily for gamers but, in practice, will be used by Facebook enthusiasts to annoy people in Starbucks. The bastards.

Washington DC, Adjacent To Amber Waves Of Grain:  US Vice-President Joe Biden has told president-elect Donald Trump to ‘grow up’ over his attacks on the American intelligence community.

Mr Trump has responded with a wedgie, two wet willies, an Indian burn and other forms of retribution only ever practiced by adolescent Americans on one another (see any Simpsons episode for details).

He also tried to order a nuclear strike on Mr Biden’s house, but was told he wouldn’t be able to do that until he is actually president.

‘Justa like Mama useda make…’

Rome, Italy:  Italy has declared a national holiday following news that Jamie Oliver is to close six branches of his Jamie’s Italian chain in the UK.

The Italian prime minister has expressed hopes that the closures mean the reputation of Italian cuisine can, at last, set out on long road to recovery following the fearful battering it has received at the hands of Mr Oliver.

Meanwhile, the TV chef continues to appeal against the death sentence handed down by a Milan court after he was filmed making spaghetti carbonara out of Dairylea Triangles.



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