Diane Abbott Resets Nation’s Moral Compass With Heroic Resurrection

Labour shadow minister Diane Abbott has been lauded – yet again – for putting her lofty principles ahead of naked self-interest and political expediency. As she always does.

The European Union (Notification of Withdrawal) Bill was approved by 494 votes to 122 in the Commons last night, and now moves to the House of Lords.

But MPs have been unanimous in praising the heroics of  Ms Abbott who managed to take part in the vote despite severe health problems that would have floored any politician not possessed of her unshakeable moral courage.

Ms Abbott suffered the world’s first fatal migraine on Monday but, such was her determination to vote to leave the EU, she resuscitated herself with a stolen defibrillator before crawling to parliament on hands and knees, dragging her ventilator, a 300 kilo ECG scanner and two hospital porters behind her.

The sight of a partially naked Ms Abbott hauling several tons of NHS hardware through the Palace of Westminster made one Labour MP feel ‘physically sick with pride and admiration’.

International statesmen react to Diane’s soaring nobility of spirit

Fellow shadow minister Clive Lewis immediately resigned his post, humbled by the realisation he would never be able to make the kind of selfless sacrifices for his country that Ms Abbott makes routinely.

In other news:  Donald Trump posted a tweet this morning threatening to nuke Shoe Zone and Barratts unless they agree to stock Ivanka’s surplus gaudy tat now that no-one in America wants to sell it.

Shoe Zone tweeted back: ‘We do have standards’.



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