Jeremy Corbyn To Star In Next Fifty Shades Movie

Following overwhelmingly negative reviews for the new Fifty Shades Darker release, desperate producers have turned to guaranteed box office winner Jeremy Corbyn to save the next movie in the franchise.

‘No-one does ineffectual whipping better than Jeremy,’ said one Hollywood producer this morning, ‘he’s even worse at whipping than Jamie Dornan, which is saying something.’

corbyn-spanking
Jeremy Corbyn (l) campaigns at the Stoke Central byelection before being given a really hard spanking by voters

Risibly ineffectual whipping is at the core of the Fifty Shades success story, so next year the world will be treated to the sight of the Labour leader stripped to the waist, oiled-up and pleading pathetically with MPs to vote the way they’re supposed to. With something erotic stuck up his bottom, presumably.

 

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