Donald Trump ‘Like The Fat, Orange Zoella Of Politics’

Following the eye-catching resignation of his National Security Advisor, Donald Trump has been praised as a perfect president for the social media generation by political analysts this morning.

‘Yeah,’ said Dr Ipsus Morrie, professor of Political Guesswork at the prestigious Dalston University, ‘it’s been established beyond all doubt that anyone under the age of 35 has the attention span of a boiled egg.

‘So Mr Trump is simply giving younger voters the kind of presidency they can relate to; by which I mean one that’s over in about ten minutes.’

zoella
President Trump presents his latest executive order to the world’s press

It is Dr Morrie’s assertion that Mr Trump’s administration is attempting to condense both terms of Richard Nixon’s presidency into a neat, easily marketable three month greatest hits package.

‘We’re not suggesting the president is modelling himself exclusively on Nixon,’ Dr Morrie told the Mercury, ‘Obviously the shameless self-promotion, sucking-up to morally bankrupt foreign powers and paranoid mistrust of the press are pure Nixon.

‘But his inclination to whip out the little general every time an attractive woman enters the room is more JFK or LBJ. And his intent to plunge the nation into civil war is apparently inspired by James Buchanan.’

‘However, President Trump’s true originality lies in his determination to get the whole thing over with pronto. Sackings, resignations, nepotism, legal battles – a whole presidency’s worth of calamity in only 24 days! Genius!

‘Another month and we’ll be through the catastrophic military adventurism, global economic melt-down, assassination attempts, constitutional crisis, illegitimate children, a Vegas fan dancer promoted to Secretary of State, indictment, disgrace, resignation, presidential pardon, best-selling memoir and death at the age of 92. A month, tops. Even Americans should be able to pay attention for that long.’

In keeping with current trends toward shorter political terms that cut out all the boring bits, Dr Morrie predicts the next Prime Minister will be a 12-year-old girl who buys clothes and makeup from Matalan and then talks about it on YouTube.

 

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