Fifa president Gianni Infantino says he is ‘not at all concerned’ by the threat of hooliganism at next year’s World Cup in Russia.
‘Nah,’ said a Fifa spokesman this morning, ‘he couldn’t give a toss about it.
‘Despite the fact that Russian fans spent the whole of Euro 2016 kicking the crap out of anything with a pulse, we at Fifa don’t currently give a monkey’s. It’ll be fine. Why worry?’
Rumours that Vladimir Putin possesses a video of Gianni Infantino weeing on Donald Trump have been strongly denied by Fifa HQ.
‘What? No. Which prostitutes? That was someone else. I’m a germaphobe! I’ve never even been to that hotel!’ the spokesman told the Mercury. Even though we hadn’t asked him anything.
In unrelated news: Sepp Blatter today, and for no apparent reason, suddenly looks like a model of competence and unblemished integrity.