Fifa ‘Not A Bunch Of Greedy, Complacent, Cretinous Morons’ Shock

Fifa president Gianni Infantino says he is ‘not at all concerned’ by the threat of hooliganism at next year’s World Cup in Russia.

‘Nah,’ said a Fifa spokesman this morning, ‘he couldn’t give a toss about it.

‘Despite the fact that Russian fans spent the whole of Euro 2016 kicking the crap out of anything with a pulse, we at Fifa don’t currently give a monkey’s. It’ll be fine. Why worry?’

sepp-and-money
The scrupulously honest and incorruptible Sepp Blatter yesterday

Rumours that Vladimir Putin possesses a video of Gianni Infantino weeing on Donald Trump have been strongly denied by Fifa HQ.

‘What? No. Which prostitutes? That was someone else. I’m a germaphobe! I’ve never even been to that hotel!’ the spokesman told the Mercury. Even though we hadn’t asked him anything.


In unrelated news: Sepp Blatter today, and for no apparent reason, suddenly looks like a model of competence and unblemished integrity.

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