Tony Blair To Save Us From Ourselves, Just Like Jesus Did. Hallelujah!

Stung by Donald Trump’s elevation to the position of ‘maddest world leader not currently running North Korea’, Tony Blair has vowed to reclaim the title or die trying. Or, at least, have lots of other people die while he’s trying, which is generally how he likes it. 

In a speech later today Mr Blair will direct the full weight of his personal popularity and unquestioned mastery of the facts toward persuading Brexit voters to change their minds on leaving the EU.

Mr Blair is slightly less popular with Labour and Conservative voters than Jeremy Corbyn or smallpox but, nevertheless, expects people to listen to him and trust his judgement on all things.

Tony Blair (centre, with halo) offers succour and forgiveness to Brexit voters, assorted sinners, whores and thieves. But not Gordon Brown

He is to announce his ‘mission’ to persuade Britons to ‘rise up’ and change their minds on Brexit, saying he wants to ‘build support for finding a way out from the present rush over the cliff’s edge’.

Mr Blair is the world’s foremost authority on rushing pre-emptively and with reckless abandon toward cliff edges, as the people of Iraq and many, many dead servicemen will cheerfully attest.

Fortunately, the former prime minister’s pathological narcissism means he has been able to courageously ignore the democratically expressed will of the people and put his bloody oar in.

A grateful nation is hoping he will be as successful in guiding us to our European destiny as he has been in sorting out the Middle East.



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