Crap Doctor Nobly Risks Children’s Lives To Line Wallet

Andrew Wakefield, the former doctor struck off for fraudulently claiming his research proved the MMR vaccine caused autism in children, has returned to the UK to promote a whole range of exciting new medical developments.

‘Yeah,’ said a spokesman for ‘Dr’ Wakefield, ‘obviously the whole MMR / autism thing was blown out of the water when Donald Trump publicly supported it.

‘I mean, people are gullible, but no sane person believes anything Donald says any more. So we had to invent some brand new snake oil to peddle to anxious parents and credulous journalists in search of an easy headline.’

Among ‘Mr’ Wakefield’s new portfolio of crap is research that definitively proves the link between blancmange and rabies. All blancmange has been removed from the menu at Mar-a-Lago, although it is feared Mr Trump and most of his advisors have already have been infected.

blancmange
Blancmange – kills children and turns presidents mad

‘But even if the blancmange / rabies thing doesn’t fly,’ Wakefield’s spokesman told the Mercury, ‘we’ve got others.

‘Carrots cause hemorrhoids, for example; tap water makes you blind and homeopathy works a treat. On anything,’ he said.

On the latter point at least, government sources have expressed hopes that Mr Trump and Prince Charles will find common ground during the president’s state visit later this year. Rabies permitting.

 

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