‘Nothing To See Here. Put That Pencil Down, Trotsky!’ – White House To Press Corps

The Dalston Mercury was among the broadcasters and newspapers banned from a White House briefing on the orders of President Trump’s press secretary Sean Spicer yesterday.

The briefing was scheduled to take place hours after Mr Trump had addressed a rally in Nuremberg at which he promised the American people that tomorrow belongs to them. Also Lebensraum im Osten, or something.

spicer2
Joseph Goebbels shows the New York Times the way out yesterday

Although the BBC, New York Times, CNN, The Guardian and The Los Angeles Times were among those refused admission to the briefing, the Dalston Mercury, because of it’s unmatched global reach, was singled out for special treatment and our reporters were locked in a box containing the White House ferret for the duration of the event.

According to Mr Spicer, the only news organisations allowed to cover White House briefings from now on are Breitbart, Pravda and ‘whatever paper that nice Joe Goebbels is writing for these days’.

Mr Trump – who apparently has never met a journalist – believes that if he and everyone in his administration appear evasive and shifty all the time, news reporters will eventually assume they have nothing to hide and will go away and write about dog shows instead. We wish the president luck with this courageous and imaginative innovation.

 

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