Scottish National Party officials have confirmed this morning what everybody already suspected: that the timing of Nicola Sturgeon’s speech demanding a second Scottish Independence referendum had absolutely nothing to do with the Scotland rugby team being thrashed 300 – nil by England at the weekend.
‘Of course it has nothing to do with that rugby match. Which was a draw, by the way,’ said one member of the SNP team responsible for drawing-up the party’s economic policy.
‘Responding that way to the result of a sporting contest would suggest we are a bunch of thin-skinned jingoists motivated exclusively by our entirely justifiable loathing of the English. And nothing could be further from the truth.’
‘And in any case,’ he went on, ‘you didn’t win, you cheated. Just like at Culloden. And at the last referendum. Which we won. Bloody English.’
In addition to demanding a second referendum, Ms Sturgeon is said to be planning the third and fourth Scottish Independence referendums well in advance, just in case number two doesn’t go her way either.
According to Hollyrood sources, referendum number three is necessary so the Scottish people can have their say on the Highland Clearances, which a majority of them opposed, while number four is something to do with The Krankies being fired from Crackerjack in 1976.