Both Sides Of Brexit Debate Simply Refuse To Shut The Hell Up

A group of 72 MPs have written to the BBC accusing it of failing to be sufficiently euphoric in its Brexit coverage in the months since the vote on the EU.

‘Feather boas,’ fumed one pro-Leave Tory MP who signed the letter, ‘feather boas at the very least. Conga lines. Bunting. Party poppers. Is that too much to ask?’

‘The BBC is our national broadcaster, for crying out loud! 52% of the British people voted – soberly and despite substantial misgivings – for an uncertain future outside the EU yet the BBC absolutely refuses to take its shirt off, pop a couple of Es and party like its 1999!

‘Commie bastards! I’m refusing to pay my license fee until they collectively neck a quart of WKD and get jiggy with a complete stranger in a nightclub toilet.’

BBC party
An artist’s impression of how the BBC’s Brexit coverage ought to look, featuring (l-r) Laura Keunssberg, Fiona Bruce, James Landale, Michal Husain and Andrew Marr (not pictured: Evan Davis splitting a speedball with Reeta Chakrabarti)

Westminster sources report that Remain campaigners are also planning to picket the BBC over the corporation’s ‘flagrantly triumphalist’ coverage of the Brexit vote. BBC political editor Laura Keunssberg (or ‘Thatcher in a kilt’ as she is known to Guardian readers) is to be specifically targeted for ‘constantly waving two fingers and baring her bottom in the direction of Donald Tusk. Or at least looking as if she wants to’.

Record numbers of despairing BBC executives have checked in to the Swiss Dignitas clinic this week. Others have joined Sky, which is seen by some as a better option than dying young, but only because the money’s not bad.

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