‘Ken Livingstone To Be Next Chief Rabbi’ – Shami Chakrabarti

After an internal Labour party disciplinary panel courageously decided that former London mayor Ken Livingstone was not to be expelled from the party – because his virulent anti-Semitism is not virulent enough, apparently – we at the Mercury thought it would be fun to guess which other vile bigots the Labour party might decide not to kick out.

We couldn’t think of any Hitler apologists quite as shameless as Ken Livingstone, of course, because there aren’t any. But we thought this bunch might just hold on to their party membership cards, despite everything:

We guessed Pol Pot would be given the benefit of the doubt by a party disciplinary committee because  although the killing fields of Cambodia were undoubtedly an error of judgement – his policy of forcing people to labour on collective farms until they died of exhaustion and disease did get a lot of people out into the fresh air. So he wasn’t all bad. Just like Ken.

It seems likely that a Labour party committee (or, indeed, Shami Chakrabarti) might choose to overlook the more sanguinous habits of Jack the Ripper because, although he did display an unnacceptible tendency toward misogyny now and again, his antics did throw a light on the appalling social depravation and poor housing conditions of the East End of London. For which he deserves our thanks. Much as Ken does.

Labour committee
The Labour party disciplinary committee convenes to pass judgement on Mr Livingstone yesterday

And, while it is true that Joseph Stalin may have inadvertantly murdered and starved to death uncounted millions of his own people, any clear-sighted Labour party committee would surely overlook this given Mr Stalin’s sterling job-creation efforts in the gulag-building industry.

So, quite reasonably, it seems that in the eyes of the Labour party, Ken’s tireless efforts in the field of newt-conservancy trump his oft-repeated claim that Hitler actually meant the Jews no harm and wanted to help them all go and live peacefully in Israel. And who could argue with that? Certainly no-one here at the Dalston Mercury.

 

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