White House: ‘Holocaust Was A Real Bummer’

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has been praised for his innovative attempts yesterday to make the Holocaust sound less depressing.

‘Sean Spicer deserves our thanks,’ said Dalston University’s Professor of Revisionist History, Dr Fulton Togcount, this morning.

‘Our students get awfully down having to learn about the murder of six million Jews and others groups unjustly targeted by the Nazis. I mean, who wouldn’t?

‘And the phrase ‘concentration camp’ was a big part of the problem – there are almost no positive associations to be made with ‘concentration camp’, are there? As a phrases go, that one’s a bit of a downer, frankly.

‘So we were delighted when Mr Spicer re-branded ‘concentration camps’ as ‘Holocaust centres’ yesterday. That sounds much more cheerful. Almost like ‘health centre’ or ‘Centre Parcs’ or ‘shopping centre’. Our kids associate ‘shopping centre’ with buying new trainers or Fray Bentos steak and kidney pies, not with brutal murders and cremation on an industrial scale. So that’s good.’

Dr Togcount hopes that noted etymologist Mr Spicer will further aid the study of the gloomier episodes in European history by renaming other stuff.

He suggests that Stalin’s frozen Siberian gulags could become ‘chill-out parks’ and the Black Death might be re-branded ‘a bit of a cold’.

Rape-of-the-Sabine-Women
The Rape of the Sabine Women, or ‘A Minor Domestic Incident’ as the event will now be known

Dr Togcount concedes, however, that the First World War is too depressing to be successfully re-positioned in the market place – even by Mr Spicer – and should probably just be ignored.

 

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