Gratuitous Nudity And Inoffensive Country Rock Knock General Election Off Front Pages!

The News In Brief:

Rock legends The Eagles are to sue the Hotel California.

In other music news: Genesis are to begin legal proceedings against any lambs they happen to find lying down on Broadway. Other barnyard animals discovered in a prone position anywhere within the central Manhattan area will be given one final warning before being issued with a writ.

Anybody found going in through an out door is likely to be dragged through the courts by Led Zeppelin, and the Pink Floyd’s lawyers have contacted representatives of the moon to discuss a potential copyright infringement the group claims is being committed nightly by 50% of the planet’s surface.

In other sexier but slightly sacrilegous news: Playboy model Jaylene Cook has outraged local Maoris by posing nude at the peak of New Zealand’s Mount Taranaki, a site believed by indigenous people to be sacred.

Three thousand British mountains, peaks, crags, hillocks, motorway verges and a variety of other geographical features have offered themselves to Ms Cook as alternative photographic locations, purely in the interests of art and freedom of expression.

scafell pike
An artistic local stands in for Ms Cook as Scafell Pike makes a pitch for her attention



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