Donald Trump, the famously chivalrous and principled US president rode to the aid of distressed damsel, the formerly ‘crooked’ and ‘nasty’ Hillary Clinton, yesterday by firing the director of the FBI James Comey.
‘Anyone who dares besmirch the good name of that fine woman will feel the wrath of the president,’ roared one cringing White House lackey this morning, ‘woe to him who attempts to investigate alleged wrongdoing by the sainted Hillary even if we thought it was a really good idea a couple of months ago. Woe to him!’
Allegations that Mr Comey has really been fired because he discovered Mr Trump’s secret stash of Vladimir Putin glamour shots and candid pee-pee pictures have been strongly denied by the White House. Although the president would really like those back as soon as possible.
In Other News From The Realm Of Infinite Improbability: Erm…
Nope. We’ve got nothing…
Prince Philip undergoes sex change to compete on Strictly as Wanda from Basingstoke? No?
Hang on… erm… New Farrari powered by lentils? Lib Dems farm unicorns on Saturn? Youth Hosteling with Chris Eubank?
Nope. Not a thing.