Following the great leader’s announcement on BuzzFeed this morning that he will remain in his role ‘even if we lose every single MP at the election and John McDonnell craps in the Queen’s hat’, Labour has announced plans to ensure Mr Corbyn will remain at the helm of the party for eternity.
‘We’re going to have him stuffed,’ one senior back bencher told the Mercury this morning, ‘probably before polling day. In fact definitely before polling day.
‘We’ve all chipped in to have him stuffed, embalmed and put in one of those Maoist / Leninist glass boxes so he can inspire us for all time. From beyond the grave, obviously. Not from his allotment or – God help us – from the dispatch box.
‘The living, breathing Jeremy hasn’t been working out too well, votes-wise, but we think a Jeremy preserved in formaldehyde might be a much more progressive proposition. I mean, the late Jeremy Corbyn won’t actively lose us millions of votes every time he’s on TV will he? Will he? Oh Christ, I don’t know any more…’
In his BuzzFeed interview Mr Corbyn also stunned listeners by revealing he is a student of the sophisticated economic philosophies of Adam Smith, Karl Marx and David Ricardo. This despite the fact that his A level results suggest he would struggle to follow an episode of Peppa Pig.