Pickled Gherkins Of Islamist Extremism Defeated By Beer, Lawnmowers And Their Own Olympian Ignorance

A Canadian man photographed mowing his lawn during a tornado is to be offered the freedom of the city of London for demonstrating near-British levels of pluck in the face of impending annihilation.

The Canadian, Mr Theunis Wessels, joins the man filmed evacuating the area of Friday’s London Bridge terrorist attack carrying his pint (unspilled in the approved British manner) and anyone who ever drank tea or played cricket on a bomb site during the Blitz in being recognised as the manifestation of ‘slightly loony but completely admirable sang-froid in the face of ghastly unspeakableness’.

The tornado pictured not intimidating Mr Wessels left a video saying it was rampaging pointlessly around the Canadian countryside in the name of some half-arsed medieval ideology and also because he was a perennial loser with the IQ of a pickled gherkin who had never been able to get girls to like him. The Metropolitan police says the tornado perfectly fits the profile of the average jihadist. Slightly above average in the IQ department, if anything.

The shock troops of Islamic State this morning


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