The British Stock Car Union (BSCU) has announced it is to sue the Labour party for bringing car-crashes into disrepute.
‘It’s outrageous what’s happening,’ said BSCU spokesman Jeff ‘Sparky’ Plugg this morning, ‘for over 50 years we have been providing wholesome family entertainment by crashing cars into one another.
‘Through our efforts people all over the country have come to associate the sickening crunch of metal, the cries of the dying and the distant wail of sirens with a good day out.’
Since the start of the general election campaign, however, the term ‘horrifying car-crash, many dead’ has become loaded with negative connotations according to Mr Plugg.
‘Bloody Diane Abbott!’ he said. ‘It’s mainly down to her that the word ‘interview’ is now invariably prefixed with the phrase ‘car-crash’. She’s taken something that was good and pure and turned it into a byword for political ineptitude.
‘And if it’s not her promising to provide a million new police officers at the cost of 12 pence it’s Jeremy-bloody-Corbyn pledging to spend billions on new nuclear weapons but maintaining his pacifist position by sending a letter to the Russians promising never, ever to use them.
‘And every time Emily Thornberry opens her trap the public hears the screech of brakes and the awful rending of tortured steel. But not in a good way. We want our brand back!’
Mr Plugg also has issues with Keir Starmer’s hair, but that seemed a bit beside the point to us.
The Dalston Mercury 